What Sarah Said
by BroadwayPhan
Summary: A girl that L met when he was still at Wammy's will end up changing his life forever. Slightly baced on the song "what sarah said" but not song fic. Yaoi LXLight at end.
1. Chapter 1: Sarah

Ok so first I want people to know that I tried REALLY hard not to make Sarah a Mary sue. I fucking hate Mary sues. Second this is NOT a song fic, I just got inspired to write this after I heard the song "What Sarah said" By Death Cab for Cutie. There are references to the song in it, but you don't necessarily need to know the song to understand whats going on.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or anything to do with it. Nor do I own Death cab for cutie or any of their songs. Please don't hurt me.**

CH 1. Sarah

It was another sunny day at wammy's house, and L was spending it alone again. It didn't bother him that he had no friends, he didn't like too many people nobody really understood were his head was most of the time, but he did get lonely every now and again. As he sat in the shadows of a large oak tree L caught sight of a girl wearing a long white bathrobe and a blue dress, standing under the green oning that extended out from the deck of the school. She was all alone staring at the ground, but L thought he detected the slightest bit of a smile on her lips. He didn't know why but he walked up to her to investigate.

"Why are you all alone" He asked her.

"Because I have no friends." She replied, keeping her eyes on the ground and a smile on her face.

"Then why are you smiling?"

She looked up at his for the first time. "Because I had a very good dream last night."

"_Ok this girl is weird," _Thought L "_No wonder she doesn't have any friends."_

"My name's Lawliet, what's yours?" He reached out a hand to shake, but as she looked at it for the fist time she frowned.

"My name's Sarah." She said, the smile returning to her face, still not touching L's hand.

L placed his hand back in his pocket, somehow not offended by this almost rude gesture. Yes this girl was weird but…he was too, and maybe he identified with her. Neither had any friends, but maybe they could be each others friend.

"Um…" He said, he wasn't used to initiating conversation. "Do you want to go hang out some where?"

"Sure!" She said "Where?"

"Well, I usually hang out in the library but…"

"Then lets go there!"

They walked down the long hallway in almost complete silence. L flung the doors to the Library open and was relived to find no one else was there. Before he could realize what she was doing, Sarah walked over to a table with a huge leather bound dictionary on it and waved for him to come over.

"Come on Lawiet I'm gonna teach you a game!"

L walked over and hoisted himself onto a seat next to her.

"Ok Sarah what game is this?"

"Its called the dictionary game. You flip open to a random page in the dictionary, look at a word and try to find its _real _meaning."

"I don't follow." L said with a rare look of confusion on his face.

"Look I'll show you." Sarah closed her eyes flipped open to a page, and placed her finger on a word. " 'Betrayal: To betray, or wrong someone who trusts you."

"Sounds right to me." Said L

"Hrmm, It's close but I don't think that's what betrayal really means." She said thinking hard.

"But It's a dictionary how can it be wrong?"

"Betrayal is telling a friend goodbye!" Sarah said, her smile spreading across her face even wider.

"What?" L said. He was beginning to get annoyed.

"You see Lawliet people will tell you that there is only one way to define the world around you, and while this is true the thing they do not tell you is that the only person who can define this world is you. Not the dictionary, not the bible, not scientists, you. If you want to accept all the definitions this book gives you as being what they are then that's your choice, just make sure that it is _your _choice and not theirs."

"Ookay I can buy that but, what did you mean by 'Betrayal is telling a friend goodbye'?"

Sarah giggled "Oh come on Lawliet I thought you'd be good at this game! Betrayl is telling a friend goodbye because when you are really friends with someone it means that you will care, at least a little bit, about this person for the rest of time. When you really say goodbye, like for good, it means that you have stopped caring."

"So saying goodbye to a friend is breaking the trust that you have given each other and is therefore betrayal?"

Sarah clapped her hands excitedly "Oh yes lawliet I knew you'd be good at this game!"

The bell rang angrily over their heads signaling the end of recess.

"Well, I have to go. You should be heading back to class." Sarah said as she started to walk away.

"Wait!" L called after her "Can we meet here same time tomorrow?" She turned around and the biggest smile L had ever seen spread across her face.

"Yes Let's!"

((end of ch 1 WOOT))


	2. Chapter 2: Shinigami

you know the drill by now

**I don't own Death Note or Death Cab for Cutie. If I did do you seriously think I would be sitting here writing fan fiction for myself?**

Ch2--

L never daydreamed in class. He always paid robot like attention to what the teacher was saying, dispite the fact he almost always 3 steps ahead of the lesson plan. For whatever reason today however he could not stay focused, L couldn't stop thinking about Sarah. Strange though she was she was mature and sincere, and those were the two qualities that L found always severly lacking in the Wammy's House kids.

Recess came and L quickly grabbed his lunch bag and headed for the library, opening the doors to find Sarah already there and reading a book entitled "Japanese Mythology".

"Hi Lawliet!" She shouted not taking her eyes off the page.

"So what about Japanese Mythology has you so enthralled today?" L asked in a pathetic attempt to sound humorous.

"Shinigami."

"Shini-what?"

"Shini_gami, _it means 'God of death' in Japanese although over there the notion of God is really very different then how we think of it in the west, so there're really more like death spirits. Anyways I love them, there're one of my favorite monsters!"

"People can have favorite monsters?" L asked sarcastically

"Well of corse they can silly, just like they can have a favorite anything else."

"Well uh-what makes you so attracted to these, Shi-ni-ga-mi, anyway?" L was trying his hardest to pronounce the word right and not look like a fool.

"Oh I don't know, I think it's because they're mysterious but sad. You see no one really knows how Shinigami are made, but most people think the're the lost souls of people who have killed themselves. They live in a realm outside of time that is dark and miserable, and most don't even know why they exist, kind of like most people seem to think of earth. Sometimes I wish I could meet one and try to make it happy. Speaking of which, want some candy?"

L was really confused now, how can one persons train of thought jump from Gods of Death to candy that fast?

"Um sure, thanks." He reached out his hand to grab the candy bag, but she gasped and pulled away when she saw what he was trying to do.

"No, no, please I'll drop them into your hand! Look I'll give you all the good ones!" L caught the look of fear catch on Sarah's face as she dropped the brightly colored candy into his hands, and realization began to dawn on him.

"Sarah, why won't you touch me?"

"W-what, what do you mean? I can touch you…" Her eyes grew wider.

"I know you can touch me Sarah" L said staying calm "I asked why _won't _you."

"Look L, I mean Lawliet, you-"

"How did you know my secret name?" L said, now almost scared himself.

"What secret name?! Is that your secret name, I just slipped I'm sorry! Lawliet please I'm sorry I scare you just please don't come any closer!" she was backing away almost crying now, holding her hands up in front of her in a feeble sign of surrender.

"Look Shut up!" L yelled finally loseing his cool. "I'm sorry, you don't have to touch me if you don't want to, and I'll never make you talk about it ever again, but please does this mean we never have to see each other again? I thought we we're friends."

She stared at him for what felt like an eternity until finally she said "Ok meet me back here this evening after diner."

With that she took off running out of the library and down the hall, leaving L with a hand full of candy and a bewildered look on his face.

"_What is wrong with her? Is she a hypochondriac? No, she lives too far on the edge to be afraid of things like germs. Then what is it?"_

He looked at the candy and popped one in his mouth. Amazing! He had never tasted anything so sweet in his entire life, why hadn't he found out about this stuff before? He continued eating one after another until finally looking down to see they had all vanished, but he wanted more, much more.

"_It seems I have a previously unknown addiction."_

--

L Ate his dinner in the cafeteria in relative silence, he wanted to try to find out what was wrong with Sarah by himself and without disturbance. This wasn't exactly hard as no one ever talked to him anyway. He had compiled a list of possible problems starting with 13, but widdled it down to 2:

1.Severely sick

2. Mental problems

As much as L didn't like these two possibilities they were by far the most logical. If Sarah was sick then it would make sense of why she was so pale, and never took off that white bathrobe. If she was infected with a rare deseise then that could easily explain why she wouldn't let L touch her, but not explain why she touched the candy that she was about to give him with her bare hands. This is were mental illness became a more likely candidate, as it would explain all of the above plus Sarah's weird quirks. There was just one problem: L didn't want to think Sarah was crazy. Sure she was _weird_ but maybe that's why she didn't stare at him in the same way all the other kids did, she didn't even point out his bizarre sitting position and hair. Maybe L just wanted a friend.

L looked at his watch, there was exataly 3 minutes and 23 seconds left of dinner. He got up and trew out his garbage and left before the rush of kids left to go to there rooms.

END OF CH 2 YEAH!


	3. Chapter 3: Memories

This story got reveiwed well by my friends, but I'm not sure how it's flying here. RnR if you like this.

**I OWN NOTHING**

CH3

Sarah was already waiting outside the library for L by the time he came by. This time she seemed to have put on black leather gloves in addition to her usual bathrobe.

"Come on Lawliet, let's go watch the sunset by the fish pond!"

Before L could even respond she grabbed his hand and was dragging him along to the other side of the school. L was about to ask if the gloves had anything to do with the fact that they could touch now, but remembering the promice that he ha made her he decided not to bring it up.

The fish pond was big, and on really hot days the Kids of the school were permitted to swimming in it. L and Sarah sat down on the dock that extended out into the pond and stared out across the expance. Sarah reached into her pockets and pulled out two bags, one was filled with candy, the other with bread crumbs.

"Here," she said handing L the candy bag "I feel bad about just leaving you with only a few pieces earlier after…"

"Oh it's no problem," L said reliving Sarah of her awkward memories. "But thank you"

She smiled as she handed him the candy bag, seeing that he really was going to respect her and not talk about earlier.

"Are you going to be feeding the fish with that other bag?" L asked

"Fish and ducks." Sarah replied, tossing a few out onto the lakes glassy surface.

For a wile they just sat there in silence the each trying to guess the others thoughts, the stillness of the night creeping in as the sky turned bright orange. Finaly Sarah spoke.

"Lawliet?"

"Yes?"

"How did you end up here? Do you even remember your parents?"

L didn't react imeditely, he had never been asked this question before.

"I don't know. I don't really remember anything about my life before I came here."

"I'm very sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, sometimes I think I'd give almost anything to be able to remember something, anything about my parents."

There was a pause "And what if you could only remember bad things? Would you still want to risk looseing your current ignorance if it meant it could be replaced by scars?" She was looking at him more intencely then ever, it was almost scary.

"Yes" L said without hesitation "I have no peace of mind in the ignorance I've been given. I would rather go through this life with the knowledge that my parents were horrible people then to go through with no knowledge at all."

Sarah nodded her head in silent understanding "I wish I was as strong as you. I've blocked all the memories of my parents out of my head because they caused me such pain."

L wondered how one was able to block a whole memory from your head, but decided not to ask.

"You really love candy, don't you now?" Sarah said changing the subject "It's almost all gone and we haven't even been here for 45 minutes!"

"Oh, I'm sorry! Please have the rest, I wasn't even thinking!"

Sarah giggled, the smile coming back to her face. "No please its fine, I don't mind they were for you anyway. I was just commenting on it, that's all."

"Where can I get more of this stuff?"

"Just ask Wammy, he'll take you into town to get some if you want."

"You talk to Wammy?" L thought only he and few other of the smartest kids did.

"Uh-huh. All the time. You know that whole 'greatest detective ever' program he's got going?"

"Yes." Another thing L thought he that was one of the only people who knew about, as he was in the top two of the school being, beaten by one person Wammy never named…

"Wait," he said "Your not…"

"Yup! I'm the one whose beating you, L. My secret name's 'sight' if you wanted to know."

L was slightly taken off guard by this. Not only was she beating him, but she was so _cheerful_ about it. He supposed he shouldn't be too surprised, he really had no idea how smart she was, he had never even seen her do a math problem let alone solve a case.

Sarah noticed that L hadn't said anything yet and decided to speak up. "You don't have to be jealous you know Lawliet. You're going to beat me in the end and become the worlds greatest detective!"

"What makes you so sure about that?"

Sarah smiled to herself, but there was no happiness in it "Because you are far stronger then I will ever be Lawliet."

"But you had to have been strong to get to the top?"

"I cheat." Sarah said in a voice that was as cold as ice "Maybe I'll explain it to you one day, but for now let's go back its getting dark."

She got up to leave but L grabbed the hem of her bathrobe before she could make her move. "Sarah," He said, now his voice was becoming cold "I can only take so many secrets from one person, and I think you should know that if you want to continue to be friends with me you're going to have to give me just a little bit more trust then you are right now." His dark eyes locked with hers and wouldn't let her look away.

"Ok" She said "I'll tell you everything you want to know tomorrow at lunch, and if you decide that you don't want to be friends with me…I'll understand." With that she ripped her robe out of L's hands and walked away.

END OF CH 3


	4. Chapter 4: Touch

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death note or Death Cab**

CH4

L didn't sleep that night. He stayed up all night staring out his window at the moon, wondering if tomorrow Sarah would really tell him the truth, or just dodge his questions again. He supposed he should have more faith in her seeing as she was the only friend he had ever had and was ever likely to have. Maybe it would turn out to be nothing, maybe they were both blowing this way out of proportion, but something told L that whatever it was Sarah was hiding, it was big.

As L expected Sarah was already standing by the library door waiting for him, but unexpectedly she wasn't smiling like usual. Upon his arrival Sarah didn't even greet him, she just stared into his deep black eyes and, seeing that he was not going to let her just get away this time sighed.

"Let's walk."

They started down the hallway in silence at first until Sarah finally spoke up again.

"Ok Lawliet, I'll tell you everything, but…just know this is really hard for me. I've never really told another person this before. You see the reason I wont touch you is-"

"Hey Lawli-pop! Still don't wanna do my homework?!"

"Oh man."

Coming from the other end of the corridor was three large boys that looked to be at least a year older then the both of them.

"Sarah, get away." L said under his breath as the largest of the boys stepped forward, grabbed him by the collar, and hoisted him into the air.

"I ASKED why you wouldn't do my homework Lawli!"

"I already told you your work doesn't hold any interest for me. It presents no challenge for me, and it is therefore pointless for me to lower myself to working for you."

"LOWER YOURSELF? Don't worry, maybe I can knock a couple of inches off of ya!" The Boy raised his hand in a fist and aimed it at L. L sighed and closed his eyes awaiting the blows that at this point had become the norm.

"Hey you! Leave him alone!"

L's eyes snapped open and he turned his head as far around as he was permitted. "Sarah no don't, I'll be ok!!"

The boy looked over L's head at Sarah "OH got yourself a girlfriend, eh Lawli?" He let go of L, letting him fall cat-like on the floor facing them. The two boys behind L laughed as the biggest of the three leaned over to Sarah, bringing his big grinning face level with hers.

"_Oh God this is it," _L thought as he tried feebily to get to his feet "_He's going to pulverize her!" _He watched in frozen horror as the boy tried to reach out and touch Sarah's hair when, Sarah closed her eyes and clasped her hands on either side of his head. "_Is she trying to fight him?" _L thought at first but then saw the boy begin to twitch, then writhe within Sarah's grasp. Horrible wimpering noises begain to come from his mouth as he fell to the ground.

"Make it stop!! Make it stop!!" He started to scream. There were tears in his eyes now, and Sarah's expression became more and more intense as she gritted her teeth and closed her eyes even tighter.

"What's going on?" one of the boys behind L shouted

"_This is why she wouldn't touch me…" _L thought _"She's doing something to that boy that she thought she would do to me…"_

Finally Sarah let go of the boys' head and spun around dizzily. The boy took off running down the hall screaming, closely followed by his two friends.

"What's wrong with you, you FREAK!" one of the boys shouted back before running down the hall.

Sarah swayed a bit more before looking at L. "Law-li-et?" She stumbled forward and fell, but L had already anticipated this and ran forward to catch her. He helped her over to a nearby bench and propped her up, careful not to touch her skin.

"Sarah what's wrong?! We need to get you help, I'll get Wammy!"

"No, Don't Lawliet, I'll be fine all I need is rest when I get like this…"

L let his body relax but didn't take his eyes off her. He noticed also that he had one arm wrapped around her back and one wrapped around her waist. Was this a Hug? No he was just acting on protective instinct he told himself, that was the logical explanation. But then again what he had just witnessed was not exactly logical.

"You see Lawliet?" Sarah said in barely more than a wisper "This is why I wouldn't let you touch me…when I touch people..I can see everything about them…their past, present…sometimes future…and sometimes, I can make them see things from their past they don't want to see…That's what I was doing to him…His parents were very cruel to him…" She sighed and warpped an arm around L's waist

"I'm learning how to control it…so that I can turn it on and off, but…Sometimes it's too much to take!" She was starting to cry into L's shoulder now, He held her tighter not knowing what else to do to comfort her.

"Do you know what it's like to never be able to touch someone..? Sometimes I think just to be able to hold someone's hand would be the greatest gift someone could give me...This power…this curse of mine…it will be the death of me…it's just too much for one fragile body to take!"

"Sarah don't talk like that!" L said truly concerned for where she was taking this

"No Laliwet, you don't understand…" she said sobbing "Its not just when I touch people…that I see things…when I dream…I see the future of me and those I care about…Lawliet one night I saw my own death!"

L's blood went cold, she couldn't be serious, and things like this couldn't happen…could they?

"That-that's why…Y-you will succeed me and…become the greatest detective ever…L because…even though I have the ability to see into peoples heads…a-and see if they are lying or not……it's just too overwhelming …It wont keep me from…d-d-dieing before you!"

She began shaking uncontrollably and L had to use all his strength to keep her from falling off the bench.

"I'm so scarred sometimes!...sometimes I feel like I could just break in two from this pain! Why wont it go away?" she started to regain some composure after awhile "...But…you see Lawliet…The day we first met…you remember that I was smiling right?"

"Because you said you had had a good dream…"

"Right exactly! I dreamt that I would meet you, and that we would become friends!" her crying had almost stopped as she sat up. "Lawliet…you said yesterday that you would give anything to remember your parents…Would you like to see them for free?"

Their eyes met "_Is she seirous?" _L thought "Sarah your too weak right now, don't."

"No I want to!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs "I'm sorry Lawliet, but please I need to see some good memories of loving people after seeing that boys memories."

"How sure are you that they will be good?" L said now not so sure after this display.

"I don't know Lawliet, but…I have good feeling."

L sighed and looked at his feet, he hopped this wouldn't hurt…either of them, but He supposed this is what he signed up for when he had told Sarah of his longing to see his parents.

"Ok Face me and try to relax."

L lifted his head, faced towards Sarah, and took a deep breath. Sarah closed her eyes and brought her two forefingers next to L's temples.

"This may feel a bit weird Lawliet, but just keep in mind not to fight it and you wont really feel a thing."

L felt Sarah's fingers touch either side of his head and then, he felt nothing. A sudden strain passed through his brain, like trying to remember some long forgotten fact and then it was like living a movie. He was sill somehow aware that his body was sitting on a bench with Sarah in Whammy's House Orphanage, but his mind was in a run down house with a man and woman franticly running from one end of the room to the other: His Parents!

"Do you have everything?!" His mother shouted across the room to his father.

"Yes, yes it's all here. Just take the baby and go, I'll meet you at the bridge in an hour!"

"No!" His mother spun around to face her husband "No you can't stay here, they'll find you!"

"I'll be fine! Anyway if anyone is going to be found tonight I want it to be me!"

"Don't say that! Think about what you're doing, think about your son!!"

L heard a crash in the distance, accompanied by the sounds of men shouting. A sound left L's mouth that his future self didn't expect

"Daddy?"

His father looked at him, walked across the room and knelt beside him so there faces were level.

"Now look at me Lawliet, I want you to take good care of your mother ok?"

L felt himself nod.

"Good, now I also want you to remember that you are a good boy, and no one can take that from you. Justice always prevails in the end Lawliet, don't forget that."

He leaned forward and kissed L on his forehead. "I love you." He looked over at L's mother "Now get out of here!!"

His mother ran forward snatched L and sped out the door.

L's memory became blurry after that. All he could hear was muffled shouts and running feet, and after awhile a gunshot. He must have been covered in a blanket so he could not see.

The next thing L remembered was walking down an Icy cold street being lead by this mother's hand. She lead him down a dark alley where she began laying down blankets in the snow.

"I'm sorry Lawliet but this is the last of our food." She handed him some stale bread and an almost empty jug of water.

L looked at the food and said "Mommy, Daddy's never coming back is he?"

His mother looked away, tears welling up in her eyes. "No, Daddy is never coming back."

"Is he…dead?" L got the feeling that he had just learned this word and was using it for the first time. His mother sniffed.

"Yes, yes he is dead."

L looked down at his food "I'm sorry."

"Me too." She looked at him "But as long as I have you I'll be ok." She took L into her arms and held him tight for a long time. "It's getting dark Lawliet, let's get some sleep." She kissed him on the forehead. "I love you."

END OF CH 4 HELL YEAH!!

CH5


	5. Chapter 5: Love

**Disclaimer: Death note and Death cab aren't mine. But this fic IS.**

CH5

L woke to find his mothers arm wrapped around him, her black hair falling like a curtain over his shoulder. He tried to absorb this moment, to tattoo in his brain this memory that dispite its bleak surroundings was the most peaceful and beautiful thing that L could imagine. His younger self didn't fel the need to do so however, and rolled out from under his mothers arm, poking her to wake her up.

"wake up mommy."

She didn't move.

"Mommy we have to go."

She remained still. L began to shove her and even kick in a panic.

"Mom! Are you listening?! Wake up! Wake up!"

she didn't even flinch. L began to panic. Screaming and crying at the top of his lungs for hours until finally someone walked down the alley behind him.

"What's wrong?"

"She won't wake up!" L looked up at the man, recognizing it now as the face of Wammy.

"Where is your father?"

"He's dead. Mom wake up!!"

The man reached down and pulled L away from his mothers frozen corpse.

"NO!" L screamed "I need to stay with her! He told me to look after her!"

"Shhhhh." Wammy said, trying to comfort L "It will all be ok, I promice."

L started to realize that he was being put into a car and driven away, and that this was all familiar territory to his future self. It was all overlap now and things began to go a lot faster as Sarah must have realized it too. His memories rushed by him in a blur until finally returning him to the present, him sitting on the bench with Sarah.

He didn't look at her right away; he was still trying to get it all through his head, like it might disappear if he didn't keep going over it.

"Are, you ok?"

L looked over at Sarah who looked positively terrified.

"You're…not mad at me are you? I can try to block them again if you're not happy…"

L was puzzled "Sarah, I'm fine. Why would I not be?"

"You're crying."

L blinked his eyes and felt tears run down his face.

"I guess I am. That was pretty sad…"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! If you don't want to remember I can block them again!

"Sarah shut up! Why would I want to block these memories? I know now that my parents loved me, and died trying to protect me."

Sarah stared at him "So…you'll still be my friend? Even though I…"

"Even though you what?"

"Even though I saw all that? Even though I just hacked your brain and saw all your memories. Even though I'm…a freak?"

L looked at her square in the eyes for a moment, then with out thinking, leaned in and hugged her. Sarah gasped but L didn't let go

"Yes." He said "You've just given me one of the greatest gifts I think I'll ever get. If people want to call you a freak for that, I don't want to know those people."

The days L and Sarah spent together went by fast after that, it was like nothing could keep them from each other. Every other day they would switch off who would wear gloves, so they wouldn't have to worry about touching hands. L found himself growing happier by the day, finally being able to call someone a friend for the first time. But one night when he met Sarah she looked sadder then ever.

"What's wrong?"

She looked up; her eyes were red from crying "I had a very bad dream last night."

L's heart sank "What was it about?"

"I can't tell you."

L's heart rate continued to speed "Then it was about me."

Sarah paused a moment, then nodded.

"Is something going to happen to me Sarah?"

She nodded again

"Is it going to happen soon?"

She shook her head

"Then don't worry about it. Come one lets go do that thing you were so exited about." L started walking down the hall knowing Sarah would follow. She finally ran up behind him, but only spoke when giving him directions on where to turn and where to go.

"_She's really upset about this_." L thought to himself_ "There's an 80 chance that she won't talk about it, but I'll try latter. Then again there is the uncalculated percentage of me not wanting to know."_

They went up a winding staircase to the roof of the school where a mind night blue sky speckled with stars greeted them.

"This is the perfect night for star gazing!" Sarah said lying down on the roof, L followed suit.

The minutes ticked by like hours, the silence weighing down on L like a ton of bricks.

"Sarah?"

"Yes"

"Why don't you just tell me your dream? I'm sure I can take what you have to say."

Sarah sighed "Knowing you Lawliet I have no doubt you can take it, but I still think that you have a long way to go before you _understand _it."

L was somewhat taken offended "What do you mean, not understand it?"

"Nothing. I'll tell you when it's convenient to you, but for now please don't ask me anything else about it."

There was another long pause, again L decided to break the silence. "You know I tried playing your _dictionary game_ the other day, and I still don't think I'm getting any better at it."

Sarah smiled now "What word was it?"

"Love"

"Yeah, that's a hard one. Not many people ever really get it, buuuuut in going through people's memories and experiencing love through them I think I know what it means."

She looked at him "Love is watching someone die."

The sentence hung in the air for a long time like a scent, L didn't know what to make of it at all.

"_Is she talking about my parents? Is the fact that they died trying to save me more poetic to her then if they had lived? No she's not cruel like that, but what else could she mean?"_

"You have to figure that one out on your own Lawliet, I'm sorry."

L decided to change the subject again

"So when you see people's memories, you can feel their emotions too?"

She nodded "Yeah, I can also know what's going on in a memory even if I don't know the people in it. Like let's go with your memory, I was able to hook on to those because I could tell that they were your parents and not some other relatives. I also can some times faintly feel the feelings of other people in the memory towards the person I'm looking through. If they love them, hate them, want them dead."

L nodded, "So do you sense emotions from people around you too, like you do in memories?"

"Oh all the time, that's another reason why I don't hang out with other people that much. It gets pretty annoying always knowing what other people think of you, and sometimes if there's enough people all those emotions at once can be too much to take." She glanced at L "I think that's one of the reasons I like you Lawliet, you're not too emotional so I don't get that same annoying buzz I get from everyone else."

L stared at the sky, an unexpected wave of sadness coming over him "I feel plenty of emotions; I just hide them really well."

"I know," she said "That's what it feels like. Like standing next to a dam, you know there is so much behind this wall, but you can't see it."

L sighed; he didn't want to continue these discussions anymore. "Let's go, I'm getting tired."

They got up to leave, L turned his back on Sarah when all of a sudden he felt two arms wrap around his back.

"Sarah?"

"Lawliet, you're the best friend I could have ever asked for. Thank you."

"Hey what are you saying? What's wrong?" He turned around and hugged her back, careful again not to touch her skin.

"I'm scared Lawliet. Like I've never been before! I just want it to go away!"

L was about to ask what she was so scared about, but knew she wouldn't answer, so he did the only thing he knew how to do and hugged back.

END CH5

ON A ROLL WITH HONOR ROLL

**That too sad for you? Made me sad too, but I'm really loving they way this fic ties all the elements of the song together within the DN plot. Honestly I hope you are oicking up on all the tinny little parralells and refences, because sadly only the obvius were intended. The rest just kind of happened 0O creepy. This story just kindof wrote itself.**


	6. Chapter 6: Letter

**Thanks to all the people who have R'n'Rd this dic. It means alot to me .**

**you know the drill**

**DISSCLAIMER: I don't own death note or death cab...nor do I own Death in general although he is a very nice guy.**

CH 6

The next day when L came to meet Sarah, she wasn't there. L wondered where she could be, but didn't have to wonder long as he saw the tall figure of wammy approaching from down the hall.

"Ah, L she said you would be here!"

"Where is she Wammy?" L immediately slipped into the serious frame of mind he had whenever he was around Wammy.

"Come L, Sarah suffered a sever heart attack this morning and was admitted to the hospital."

L's mind reeled as he followed Wammy to his car and hopped in the back seat.

"_Is this what she was so afraid of? If it is then this is what she saw, she's about to…"_ L couldn't bring himself to even think it. "_This is what she meant by it being too much to take…a heart attack, then she did just brake." _His thoughts were interrupted by Wammy.

"Um, seeing as you haven't yet asked why a girl as young as Sarah has had a heart attack, I will assume she told you about her…condition?"

L looked up, his eyes briefly betraying the heated anger that was brewing beneath the surface.

"Condition?"

"Well, yes. There's really no other way to say it."

They arrived at the hospital and entered into the waiting room.

"She's in intensive care." L overheard a nurse say to Wammy "I'm sorry, we can't let you in."

L sat in the same chair for hours, staring at his feet. This was cruel. Sarah was going to die surrounded by complete strangers, no were near her friend. The doctors and nurses may not even be able to touch her because of her power. L wanted to cry, but no tears came, just the feeling that his insides were falling out. Left alone with his memories and feelings, L begain to realise how faulty they all were. He couldn't feel them, he couldn't touch them, one day he may even forget them or alter them without knowing. The feeling of fear and guilt started to make his whole body shake, but even more than the pain he felt about his memories he felt utter sorrow over not being with Sarah. If she died today, then is this what she was talking about? Did she want him to watch her die, because she loved him at least as a friend. Furthermore who was going to watch Sarah die? A doctor? a nurse? No one...

"_Who's gonna watch you die Sarah..."_

After eight hours of sitting a nurse came over.

"You two are with the girl?"

"Yes."

"I'm very sorry…"

L didn't cry, he didn't scream, he just fell sideways on to the chair next to him.

The nurse looked at him "Um…are you, L?"

"Yes."

"She said to give these to you."

L sat up and looked at her. She handed him two envelopes, one labeled "read me NOW" the other labeled "Read me latter". L opened the first one and began to read:

Lawliet, If you are reading this then I am dead. Please don't be upset if you were not with me when I died, that's not what I meant the other day when I defined 'love'. I want you to know that you are unlike anyone I had ever met, and you made me happier then I thought I would ever be in this life. You are brilliant and beautiful, and I know that you will make your parents proud as you take the mantle of the greatest detective this world has ever seen. Now I must tell you Lawliet that what I saw in my dream the other night, was your death. I have written it down in a separate letter that you should have possession of right now, but read it latter; when you are much older I'm sure that this will help you with an investigation. I have also taken the liberty of writing my definition of 'love' down in the separate letter as well, but once again, by the time you open it and read about my dream I'm sure that you will know what I meant.

Thank you for being my friend,

Sarah.

* * *

L wouldn't call anyone a friend for many years to come. Furthermore he began to talk less and less to people, began to eat more and more candy, and care less about his general appearance. Students and teachers, and even Wammy eventually forgot about Sarah, L pretended to as well but a day rarely passed when he did not think of her. He became known to the world as L, and would almost never be called lawliet again. The years added with his superior intellect made him jaded to the rest of the world, and he began to only take cases that interested him. However no matter how good he got at what he did he still couldn't understand what Sarah had told him that one night on the roof. The second envelope was left unopened for 13 years. There were times that he felt tempted to open it, on some cases the temptation was so great that he had to hide it from himself in order just to think straight.

But the Kira case was different. From the very beginning L knew this was the case that would do him in, as soon as he figured out the message "L, do you know Shinigami love apples?" he knew.

"Shinigami are one of my favorite monsters!" He could almost hear Sarah say in his brain

"Kira you bastard!"

Still he waited until opening the letter, to him opening the letter would almost be like giving up, giving in to death. But also because he was sure that it would prove whether his prime suspect: Yagami Light, was really Kira or not, and now L was not so sure he wanted to know.

END OF CH 6

**Yeah I know it was kindof short, but the next chapter is epic I promice!! also I have debatted making the next chapter the last one (I know it's so sad!!) But If you want more I will aggree to post an epologe that will hopefully satisfy all your fan-ness and tie together all loose ends crosses fingers. **

**So IF YOU WANT AN EPOLIGUE SAY SO IN A REVEIW AND IT WILL HAPPEN.**


	7. Chapter 7: Definition

**Behold, the yaoi chapter!! I had been meaning to do a scene like this between Light and L for awile, but no story seemed to fit as well as this one did. This fic is almost over, but I have a ton of ideas for stuff after this, one includes a possible co-authored work with "Synonymousbrian". The idea is a risky but good one that if pulled off corectly could be ledgendary (at least I think so). Can't say much about it exept it's another DN Yaoi with Light and L.**

**I OWN NOTHING**

**Enjoy!!**

CH7

When L first saw Light, he hated him. He hated him because he was just out of reach of being proved or cleared, and he was sure Light felt the same way about him. However in the months they were chained together L felt his feelings toward Light change, from hatred, to respect, to curiosity, to longing, to…Love? L told himself again and again it was impossible, that these were just misplaced feelings of hatred, or envy but that didn't stop L from staring at Light or even at times wanting to just hold his hand. He was beginning to know how Sarah felt, never being able to touch someone. Then he found a surprising thing, light felt the same way about him, he returned all his feelings and the moments they spent together alone made him the happiest person ever, and also the saddest.

"_If Light is Kira…then all this might not be real, all this is just him trying to find out my name. But what if he and Kira are two different personalites... what if LIGHT loves me…but kira…"_

"Ryuzaki!"

L snapped up, he didn't realize that he was so deep in his own thoughts that he didn't hear Light yelling at him.

"Ryuzaki? Are falling asleep over there?" He felt his arm tugged by the chain that attached them both.

"No Light-kun, I'm fine. Just thinking."

"Well I think it's time we call it a day, it's almost 1:00."

"Hrmm, you're right I suppose."

They got up to leave and bit goodnight to the taskforce. Leaving the building and driving back to the hotel they remained in complete silence. Once entering their room and looking the door behind them however Light turned his gaze towards L, then without L even having time to react pinned the older man against the wall and pressed his lips up against his. L made no attempt at fighting back, he slowly ran his hand up Lights back and stroked it through his auburn hair. Light stopped and looked at L's face.

"Sorry, I've been dying to do that all day."

"Did I seem to not enjoy it?"

Light chuckled and embraced L tightly, now brushing his lips against his neck. L could have almost cooed with delight, but Light pulled away and simply looked in his eyes.

"And to think we once hated each other."

"It is rather funny."

Light smiled and headed into the bathroom to get ready for bed. L waited outside the door patently as his thoughts traveled.

"_Sarah, I think I'm beginning to realize what you meant when you defined love. I know now what love feels like, and I also know now of the sadness it can cause. I love Light…but I can't fully believe that he will always treat me like he does now. Since we have been chained to each other he seemed to become softer towards me, love me even if I dare use the word, but what if he is Kira? What if what I'm seeing isn't the real Light after all? What if he just decides to leave one day and possibly kill me? So yes Sarah, you were right, Love is watching someone die because when I look at Light I know that he won't always be there, that one day he'll be gone. Whether by being Kira and deciding to kill me, or by simply dieing himself I know I won't always have him with me, and that makes every moment I am with him precious."_

Light walked out of the bathroom and looked down at L "all yours."

L looked up at him "Thank you."

L got up to enter the bathroom but Light stopped him with a hand "Hey are you alright? You seemed to space out a lot today."

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing, maybe I'll tell you later."

By the time L left the bathroom Light already looked tired enough for sleep, but L could never fall asleep right away. As they both climbed in the bed L looked at Light.

"Love is watching someone die"

"_Shut up." L_ told his head, but the line was stuck in there. All he could hear was Sarah repeating it.

"Love is watching someone die."

L needed to get this out of his head, he turned to Light. Light had left his shirt slightly un-buttoned and was silently reading a book. L pondered for a minute over what he wanted to do, but soon decided that either way there was nothing he could loose. Tilting sideways, L proceeded to rest his head on Light's chest.

"…Ryuzaki what are you doing?"

"Using you as a pillow Light-kun. You're very soft."

'Is that a pun?"

"It might be."

L felt Light's chest rise and fall as he chuckled.

"I've never heard a heart beat before," L continued "it's a surprisingly calming sound."

Light smiled and ran his hand through L's hair.

"Um, I'm glad you think so Ryuzaki."

"_Lawliet!" _L's brain screamed "_My name is Lawliet and I want you to be able to call me that!"_

"Light-kun, I think I'm ready to tell you what was bothering me earlier."

He heard Light's heart pick up a slight bit.

"Ok, what is it?"

"When I said that you were the first friend I had ever had, I was lying. You're only my second friend."

Light sighed "Well that's at least good news. I don't like the idea of you being friendless Ryuzaki."

L allowed himself to smile just a bit.

"Yes, my first friend was a girl named Sarah. She was a tad bizarre, but also one of the kindest and most brilliant people I have ever met. She used to say very strange things and one time she told me that 'love is watching someone die'. She wouldn't tell me what she meant, just that I would figure it out some day. I've been thinking of what Sarah said Light."

Light looked down at L to see the smile on his face, but so much sadness in his eyes, like he could almost cry.

Light leaned over and whispered in L's ear "Do you want to know what I think?"

L looked up at light.

Light continued to whisper "I think love is you and me, just like this."

"What are you saying Light-kun?"

Light kissed L on the lips ever so gently "I'm saying I love you Ryuzaki."

L lunged forward and embraced Light tighter than ever. Never after seeing the memories of his parents had anybody actually said those words to him.

"I love you too Light. Do you know how long I've waited to say lose words?"

Later that night when Light was asleep, L remained wide awake, pondering over one more decision. The letter. He remembered once saying that to know is better than to live a life in ignorance, even if the truth was terrible. Now he was not so sure, all he knew was that the letter would put to rest all his suspisions of Light being Kira or not. Looking at Light, L reached into his pocket and pulled out the key to the chained that bound them together and unlocked his. He walked across the room , pulled the letter out from it's hiding place, and taking a big breath opened it.

End of ch7(aren't I mean?)


	8. Chapter 8: End

**DUN DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAA! Behold the last official "chapter" Of What Sarah Said!! Thanks to everyone who stuck with this fic till the very end. I'll admit this is kind of filler, but I've already started the epilogue and its already over 4 pages long. So yeah, hopefully if you didn't get the significance of the line "love is watching someone die" THIS chapter will explain it.**

**enjoy!!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DEATH NOTE OR DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE (GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEADS)**

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time  
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409  
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today  
As each descending peak on the LCD took you a little farther away from me  
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye  
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds

"What Sarah Said"

-Death cab for Cutie

* * *

Ch 8

Hello Future Lawliet!

If you are reading this now, I have no doubt been dead for many years. Know that I have been watching over you from wherever I am now, and I still call you my friend. Even though I am writing this as I die, know that I am sorry for what I am about to reveal to you.

In my dream, I saw your death Lawliet. You die in a room surrounded by computers and about 5 other men. There is one man standing behind you, and he has absolutely the most perfect face I have ever seen on a person, you must think so too Lawliet because I could tell that…you love him. First off please let me tell you that he loves you too, but it was like his very soul was split, one half fully in love with you and the other wanting you dead. I don't know how it happened then but you fall off your chair and begin to die on the floor. The boy with the brown hair and angelic face will run up to you and lean over you as you die. Lawliet, I am so sorry for telling you this but I feel like I must. This boy is the one who is responsible for your death, and in the moments that you die his emotions are like seeing an angel being killed by a demon. Any love that that boy has towards you dies, and is replaced only with…joy. Lawliet I'm so sorry, and I wish with all my heart that I am wrong.

Forever your friend

Sarah

L looked down the letter to see that sarah had taken the liberty of writing what she meant by 'love is watching someone die', L had been right but he didn't care. He looked over at Light, still sound asleep and looking peaceful as ever. For a wile L didn't know what to do with himself, then silently he walked into the other room of their suite, closed the door and cried. He fell to the floor and allowed himself to fully give in to his emotions for the first time in his life. He unashamedly screamed and moaned into a pillow. So Light did love him…but he was also Kira and would kill him. In the end, Light would not even regret killing L, he might even laugh years from now about their love to himself. No…L couldn't let himself think like this, this was all in the future, and Sarah had just told him that Light loves him now. It still didn't help. His whole mind, his whole body was going a thousand miles a second and L just felt himself falling deeper and deeper into despair. He never really cared about love, or at least he thought he hadn't, but Light made him question alot of things he thought he didn't care about. Love, life, hope, he never saw the need for them in his overly practical mind, but Light seemed to rip out the logical side of his brain and replaced it with his love. Now that that wasn't even there, L had nothing to stand on.

Pulling himself together, L returned himself to the bed and re-chained himself to light. Starring at him now everything seemed to fall into place.

"love is watching some one die."

"At least you get to watch me die Light." L leaned in and kissed Light on the fore head.

* * *

But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all  
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room  
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news  
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads  
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

"What Sarah Said"

-Death Cab for Cutie


End file.
